Week 13 of Why So Many Clothes: Because You Shall Go to the Ball, if You Can Walk!
Let Me In At Your Window
Found a day dress! Thought I’d run out, but here was a dress with nought wrong but a broken strap, easily fixed with a brooch. The problem is, it is easily mistaken for a nightie. When I asked the Wolf if he could take a photo for the day he said, in all innocence, ‘No problem. Just tell me when you’re dressed.’ I feel like Cathy in Wuthering Heights; I should be waving my branching arms about Kate Bush style and smashing windows. Keep, but dye a vibrant, non-nightie, non-spectral colour.
The shoes are great fun, with cotton ribbon ties and oversized bows, wedged black soles, and a monochrome pattern – but I can’t walk in them without them beating and whipping me. Not Keep, reluctantly.
Fairy Godmothers
Midnight blue satin, wraparound blouse with a strong collar. Exactly how girl me thought adult me would be: dramatic, sexy, well-made, different but not ostentatiously kooky. A hand-me-down from my mum which I’ve never seen her wear… mysterious…
The black lace trim top underneath was from a boutique in Paris, about ten years ago. I’d never have picked it out; the lady running the shop – deep leather tan, brightly dyed hair, groomed and all in slinky black – pulled it out with a knowing look. My boyfriend at the time blushed when I tried it on, but when I said I’d put it back, thinking it didn’t work, he said very quietly and firmly: buy it.
The Cacherel mac is one of the most treasured things in the wardrobe. It was from the sales in a time of crisis, bought by my mum. What better than a rainbow striped mac to weather a storm?
I think the print is by the same designer who collaborated with Ozzy Clarke. My mum – this will come as a surprise – used to keep decades-old clothes in an outbuilding attached to our West London flat. In amongst them was an Ozzy Clarke dress, long and slim, dark green with his signature neckline, which sadly had no hope of ever fitting me.
Ah, the shoes. Marc Jacobs, as we’re dropping designer names this week. My inspirational friend and mentor DF had a house sale when she moved from London to South America. I saw these shoes, next to a selection of old workboots, red and glorious. There was love and lust in my eyes. The Wolf saw me looking at them and helped me try them on. They were cheap at £30 but I couldn’t justify buying them, being stony broke as ever. Later in the evening, DF came into the room, graceful, elegant and mystical.
‘Whoever’s foot fits the shoe…’ she began.
The eyes of the women in the room lit on the shoes, their round red toes nested in her hands like glass slippers on a cushion.
‘They fit me!’ I shouted. ‘I’m an eight! They fit me! I already tried them!’
Rather indecorous. Luckily, my shoe godmother laughed and said I could keep them if I could walk in them for an hour. I could. I even learnt some martial arts.
On Tuesday, however, wearing them to meet my wonderful sister, I couldn’t walk in them. I didn’t get as far as our meeting place. Perhaps it’s my current bodily condition; perhaps I lacked the magic of foot-numbing red wine. Keep, mind. They are beauties. And can transform me even from the shelf.
Witchy Boots
Wednesday’s black boots – black, suedette, ankle-length and kitten heel – aren’t uncomfortable. I don’t like them.
The green swing jacket is outdated, certainly, but comfortable. After a lot of dithering, Not Keep too. I have too many coats.
The patterned halterneck, from H&M for my 23rd birthday, is an old favourite and still going strong. The combination of colours is unusual and attractive, and the choker tie neck and dropped, floaty back are flattering. The sea-green halterneck underneath is useful for layering, though not something I’d wear on its own. Keep, for layering. The royal blue cardigan is much-loved, ancient work uniform, so worn that the elbow has nearly come through. Keep until it does.
Pumpkins
The three pinks vest under Thursday’s black, button front top helped me transform from the shrunken, fat person I felt like in my first year at Uni into someone who had a right to be at the ball. At a Greek restaurant which closed its shutters and kept the cheesy music going till breakfast time, on the first wear of the pink and pumpkin layered vest, I found myself with one man hanging onto my hand from his attempt to chat me up while another tried from my left. I extricated myself from both with my inner candle lit.
The battered, black leather jacket was once a swish, slim-line one which made me, in my blonder days at eighteen, look like a Bond girl. I was so convinced that this transported me from local girl to a woman ready to shriek, ‘James!’ that I mentioned it to the man writing the screenplays at the time, who lived on my street. He laughed. I was confused. In retrospect, I’m not embarrassed. Why shouldn’t a young woman see herself as good enough?
How quickly the transition to a frumpy-feeling 19 year old at Uni happened.
Finding the Other One
In the laundry room of a volunteer community I lived in with fifteen others, I saw the skirt to Thursday’s black and embroidered top. The owner of the skirt became one of my best girlfriends ever. Perhaps it was a sign of what a great match we’d be. The top’s knackered, now. Not Keep, and keep the memories.
Princess
I love my horsey red jacket (Friday). The buttons have horses on them and the label says ‘Dressage by Paul Costelloe’. My mum found it for me in a charity shop. Whenever I put it on, I get the song I Want Money in my head. I feel like I’m holding a whip. The crinkly blouse is old uniform from the lunching ladies clothes shop I used to work in. The boots, which I’d previously gone off, are really comfy for a heel, and have a sort of pony feel to them. Keep all.
You Turn Me To Jeelie
Hmm. I love the pink, wedge jelly heels (jeelies) I’m wearing on Saturday but walking in them is really beyond me. I’ve worn them out a few times, maybe once upon a time, and am likely to turn into a knee-quivering jelly if I try again. Not Keep.
Rich Fabrics Over Rags
Saturday and Sunday’s tops are like two alternate endings: the happy and the disappointing. Saturday is the happy ending: chiffon vest, silk top and velvet jacket. All Keep. The chiffon was a few quid in the sales; the silk top, a hand-me-down from mum; the velvet jacket, £2 in the sales. I’ve hardly worn the velvet and1 the chiffon but now I choose to be swathed in soft textures. This isn’t an expensive decision as the clothes are already in my wardrobe. I’m going to feel good.
Sunday’s (Not Keep) tops are old, panicky, contingency tops. Things I’ve kept in case the world falls apart and I run out of clothes. I choose not to feel like that anymore.
By Sara Nesbitt Gibbons
